Infertility and Blessing: Part 3

It was about the end of November 2010 when we decided to go to an informational meeting for domestic infant adoption. We had decided to go that route since we had never been parents before and wanted to start from the beginning with an infant. We were set up to go to the info meeting with Bethany Christian Services, an adoption agency, on Dec. 1st 2010. We were contacted by the director of the meeting that she had a family emergency and had to leave town. The meeting was rescheduled for the following week on Dec. 8th.

I had been checking and charting my basal body temperature daily. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this process, it is more accurate to do it the same time each day or there will be temperature variations. Also, if a woman is pregnant, the temperature will stay up and not lower prior to a woman's cycle.

On Sunday the 5th of December, I woke up early for church and took my temp prior to getting out of bed. My temp had dropped. I thought to myself that it was another month going by without being pregnant. I was encouraged by some friends at church and reminded of God's faithfulness and goodness. We also found out that day that our friends were expecting and due in early August.

On that next morning, I took my temp again prior to getting up. My temp had gone back up! It was very odd because it never has done that before. I tried to hide the chart from Kyle so that if it was just a fluke he wouldn't get his hopes up and if I was pregnant I kinda wanted to surprise him. But I wanted to wait to see if my temp was up still the next day. I was closing in on the end of my cycle.

The next morning (Dec. 7th) came, and I was a little excited as I took my temp without Kyle near. It was still up! Kyle came and took the thermometer from me. (He had seen the temp chart the day before and was curious too). I told him that I was going to take a pregnancy test. He was getting ready to leave for work. I went to the bathroom...and after completing the test, it almost instantly turned positive. I was so shocked and kept saying "We are pregnant!" Kyle was excited too but wanted to compare the test with the instructions to make sure it was positive. :) We praised the Lord together and prayed to the Lord thanking Him for this gift. What an answer to prayer! Kyle didn't want to leave, and he left late. Later that day, I read Hannah's prayer in 1 Samuel chapter 2 and meditated on the Lord's sovereignty, strength, and holiness. I was in awe of how the Lord brought this gift into our lives!

We had to sadly cancel the informational adoption meeting that was set up for the next day. We do, however, still have a heart to adopt. We are unsure how and when and what that entails or how we are going to afford it, but we know that if it is God's will, He will provide the means to adopt!

My Thoughts on the Movie "Divided"

A recently released free online documentary entitled "Divided" has generated a lot of interest in the past month or so. I was blessed last week to receive an email from a friend asking for my thoughts on the movie. The movie discusses the issue of young people leaving the faith once they go off to college, and essentially pins the blame on churches for doing "age segregated ministry" (like Sunday School or Youth Groups). It is very important that we think through these issues biblically. I thought I would share some of what I shared with them:

Thank you so much for not only sharing, but also asking for my input. I watched "Divided" about a month ago shortly after it was released. I hope that you will consider some thoughts that I have on this movie, evaluate it in light of Scripture, and hold fast only to what is good (1 Thessalonians 5:21).

I enjoyed watching the documentary, and it got me thinking quite a bit. I'll start by sharing some good things about it, and then share my concerns.

1. I appreciate especially the emphasis on the need for parents to disciple their children, and for the church to support parents in that. This is truly biblical (Deuteronomy 6:6-9), and vitally important. It is the most important aspect of children's/youth ministry.

2. I appreciate the renewed awareness that “youth ministry” as defined as bringing kids in, entertaining them, being hip, and sharing something from the Bible is not effective. I disagree, however, that the appropriate answer to this problem is to eliminate youth ministry altogether.

That leads to my concerns, which I would say are serious and ask you to consider carefully and openly:

1. I was dismayed by the fact that the video lumps all churches with any type of youth group into the same unbiblical category. I must respectfully disagree with this. The mega-church with a rock and roll youth worship service that takes place during the adult service is lumped in with churches like SCC. Many churches, including SCC, have both a time of age specific ministry (take the youth for example), and corporate family worship/teaching in which the youth participate with their parents. Children’s church during the sermon is optional, and parents may decide where they want their children during that time. This is because SCC supports parents in their responsibility to disciple their children. For example, parents who send their children to Children's Church understand that there is also a danger in keeping their children in the service while they color or some similar activity because it trains them to be indifferent to the Word of God. They learn that church is boring and not relevant for them. Instead, some parents would rather send their children to a time of truth teaching that engages their children at the level they are at so that they learn that God's Word is important and relevant to them at their age.

2. I was dismayed by the fact that this video gives the impression that any type of age specific ministry is wrong and pagan. They cite the fact that Scripture does not command us to divide by age, which is true, but neither does it command us not to. Ultimately, this is going beyond what is written (1 Corinthians 4:6). When the FIC (Family Integrated Church) movement, (the NCFIC produced this movie), goes to the extent of calling any age segregated ministry unbiblical, they themselves are unfortunately stepping outside the bounds of Scripture.

3. You should be aware that this is not a new debate, but this video and its availability online for all to see gives many the impression that it is new. There is good reason why most evangelicals have rejected the movement. It requires discernment to sort through these issues, because like most things, there is some truth to what they are saying, particularly in regard to the importance of parental discipleship. However, FIC takes this to an unbiblical extreme that we must reject.

4. Like all documentaries, this one is biased in a particular direction. Even though Leclerc (the young man in the documentary) says he is on a journey to discover why young people leave the faith, he has spent his whole life in the FIC movement. He knew the answer he would "discover" before he embarked. He only interviews evangelical leaders in the FIC movement.

5. My greatest concern, and one that I think will resonate with any Christian, is the lack of gospel in this presentation. What saves a lost sinner whether they are 4 years old or 88 years old? The gospel of Jesus Christ and nothing else. Whether you are a family integrated church or not isn't going to be the ultimate deciding factor in the spiritual life of children. It is only going to be the power of God in the gospel of the Son of God while the Word of God takes seed in the heart by the power of the Spirit of God.

I'd like to share a few paragraphs on this issue written by Tim Challies. (You can read the whole article here.) Since Leclerc doesn't interview anyone who disagrees with FIC, I think you'll find this to be helpful:

"What Is the Solution?

If there is a solution to this problem of children abandoning the church it must be a solution that depends upon the gospel. Programs are not the answer. Family integration is not the answer. The gospel is the answer. Where churches and families, where pastors and parents know the gospel and proclaim the gospel, children will be saved. This is true. It is not universally true; there are some children who grow up with every possible favor the Lord could bestow upon them and who reject it. But by and large where the gospel is preached and spoken and whispered and celebrated, the Lord works.

I wonder how many of those 7 out of 10 kids who abandon the church, how many of the 94 percent, how many of the 6 of 10—however you want to interpret the numbers—I wonder how many of them have ever truly encountered the true gospel. I wonder how many have heard that gospel and then seen it consistently lived out in the lives of parents and friends’ parents and pastors and young people and old people. I have no doubt that 60 or 70 percent of young people do, indeed, abandon church. But I have no doubt that far, far fewer than this abandon the church when they have been raised in homes and churches that treasure and model and celebrate the gospel.

I am convinced that the reason so many young people abandon the church is that they have seen far more hypocrisy than gospel; they have had their emotions stirred but never their souls. This can be true in churches that are full of programs—the kinds of churches where every youth event is big and loud and exciting. This can be true in churches that are quiet and controlled and which exposit the Bible.

The Lord works through the gospel. The Lord has always worked through the gospel. The Lord will continue to work through the gospel. If you want to retain the children, if you want to see children saved, if you want to see them passing the faith from generation to generation, immerse your church, immerse your home, immerse your children in the gospel. Adorn your life with the gospel. And then expect the Lord to work."

Additionally, here are a few other articles on the other side of the debate:
http://www.challies.com/dvd-reviews/divided-the-movie

http://www.weswhite.net/2011/04/family-integrated-mathis/
http://zachnoelleputthoff.blogspot.com/2011/08/run-for-your-life-youth-pastors-and.html

I hope that this has been helpful to you. I have great concerns about this movie, and pray that you will prayerfully consider what I have said. We must not go beyond what is written, and we must acknowledge the power, sufficiency, and grace of God offered to us in the gospel and nowhere else.

Infertility and Blessing: Part 2 - What We Learned

Last night Heather wrote a little bit about our story through the trial of infertility. I wanted to follow that up by listing some of the things that God taught us through infertility:

1. Infertility is Difficult
One of the things that surprised both of us was the difficulty of going through infertility, especially since we had both always desired to have children very strongly. The pain, disappointment, discouragement, hope, and alienation are all very poignant. If you know someone who is going through it, encourage them and empathize with them. It goes a long way.

2. God is in Control; We Are Not
While we could do all we could to try and have a baby, we were ultimately powerless to do so. God reminded us how weak and dependent we are and how powerful and sufficient He is.

3. Infertility was an Expression of God's Grace to us
Romans 8:32 says, "He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?" We learned in this verse that all things really means all things, including trials. God was using this to sanctify us and make us more like Christ, and that was the specific good He wanted to bring out of it (Romans 8:28-29). He is more concerned about who we are than what we have.This led us to some particularly sweet times of thanksgiving and contentment in our trial.

4. Even Good Desires can be Idolatrous
While the desire to have children is indeed good and right, that desire is not to be elevated above God. At times we were both convicted of doing this very thing. God helped us to put the desire for a child in perspective.

5. Adoption Shows the Gospel
As we started to look into adoption, we were amazed at how adopting a completely helpless orphan is such a vivid picture of what God has done for us in Christ in graciously adopting us into His family based on no merit of our own. We began to get very excited about being able to do this for a child or children.

6. God's Will is Best
We began to affirm what Scripture teaches regarding God's perfect will in our specific situation. Many times we affirm God's sovereignty and other aspects of theology, but fail to see our lives and circumstances in light of them. We began to really believe that God had what was best in mind, and it seemed to be adoption (I'll let Heather finish the story when she posts again). 

Infertility and Blessing: Part 1

Kyle and I have always talked about having children and how many we would have and different names that we liked. It is amazing how God, through infertility, can redirect your perspective on what having a child means. The time when we started trying for a baby is a blurry memory. We decided to start during Kyle's last year of his master's program (around March 2008), but when we started it was more like we weren't preventing anything from happening rather than trying really hard. Which if you think about it, God is the one sovereignly in control regardless of whether you are trying or not. So as month after month went by, we were a little more concerned that nothing was happening. It is most like a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.

Being a nurse, I was trying to find any symptom or sign of pregnancy that would occur early on. I would get my hopes up thinking maybe this is the month I would get pregnant and then the dreaded monthly period would come and down on the roller coaster we went. During this time I was working full time and working a lot of overtime. And as a nurse I didn't take many breaks during the day if at all. Eventually, after Kyle graduated, I reduced my hours and went to PRN (as needed) for many reasons.

At first, we decided not to tell anyone that we were trying for a baby because we would tell them when we got pregnant. After about a year of trying we decided to tell our family and friends. Our church was supportive in prayer and encouragement. I realized that having a baby was becoming an idol in my heart. A lot of what I spent my time or thoughts on were focused on having a baby. We knew that God would give us a child if it was according to his good and perfect will. Romans 8:28 - And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those called according to His purpose. As time went on, God was working on my heart and trust in Him that He knew what was best. This is the time where I started to think maybe God had a different plan than me being a mom or a mom of my own child. But God also put on my heart that children are a gift from the Lord and children are not just ours but His image bearers (Psalm 127:3). Additionally, I learned that only He is in control of opening the womb like in the story of Hannah and her son Samuel or Elizabeth and her son John.

I started placing God back in first priority during my daily walk. In Matthew chapter 6, starting in verse 25, we are told not to be anxious about our life that the Lord provides for all that we need. I would remind myself to "seek first the kingdom of God" and that the Lord knows our needs. As I was more reliant on the Lord I also was looking at more godly perspectives of infertility. I was directed to a website by my friend and pastor's wife called familylife.com and found great perspectives on this issue. I also found that adoption was actually a real and God-honoring option. I had always said that if we couldn't have a child of our own that we would adopt. But that statement was never a reality until then. I was also torn in not wanting to be prideful, or not wanting to adopt a child for self motivated reasons. This website also helped me to see that God was the first adoptive parent as our Father! He adopted us into His family, what great love He has shown us through His Son (Romans 8:15)!

We were still trying to get pregnant while looking at the option of adoption. Through the years of waiting we had gone through a surgery for Kyle (we knew he had condition that could have an effect on fertility before we started trying but didn't know how much it affected it), changed my life style habits (like actually eating for every meal and eating right), started body basal temp tracking, and went through a book that helped identify possible fertility problems before going to a fertility specialist). Before changing insurances (because of work) I did go in for a one-time visit to the fertility clinic to see if they could figure any thing out with blood work (nothing showed up abnormal). With insurance changing and the experience of a prideful doctor, God closed the door. It was clear to us in our situation that God wanted us to know that only He was the giver of life. (We recognize that fertility is an option for some people and God is the one who gives and sustains life in that circumstance also). To be continued....

Psalm 9:1-2: Worshiping the Most High

Last night, I led a discussion at our worship team practice on Psalm 9:1-2. Maybe it will encourage you.

The first part of Psalm 9 gives us some very clear descriptions of what it means to worship God.

9:title – TO THE CHOIRMASTER: ACCORDING TO MUTH-LABBEN. A PSALM OF DAVID.  Like most of the other Psalm titles, we don’t know for sure what the “muth-labben” was. Literally, it means “death of a son.” Most likely it was a specific tune that was well known to Ancient Israel.

9:1-2 – I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

Yahweh is called the Most High. Meditate on this. There is no higher being than Him.

Some key aspects of worshiping the Most High:

1. Wholehearted Thanksgiving (1a)

Worship should be filled with thankfulness to God that comes from a genuine heart.

2. Recounting His Wonderful Deeds (1b)

The Hebrew word translated “wonderful” has connotations of “astounding, extraordinary, and marvelous.” Worship includes speaking and reminding ourselves and others of the amazing things God has done. In the Old Testament, the primary focus was on how God saved Israel out of Egypt and delivered them from physical bondage and slavery. God’s greatest action on our behalf was in saving us sinners from certain doom and delivering us from slavery to sin and spiritual bondage and giving us eternal life in Christ. This is why we always sing at least one Gospel saturated song every Sunday at church.

3. Joyful Exultation (2a)

Worship should be filled with joy and gladness.

4. Songs of Praise (2b)

Worship should include music and singing that praises God’s name. His “name” is all that He is.

I want to share a helpful application from James Montgomery Boice:

“Let me tell you about one thing I have started to do as a result of my study of the psalms. Recognizing that they are open in their praise of God…, I decided to make a point every day of acknowledging God’s goodness in some area to some person. That does not seem like much. But when I began to think along these lines I realized how much time frequently went by without my having praised God for anything. And I discovered something else. Once I had begun to make a point of acknowledging God’s goodness, I began to think of his goodness more often, and I actually developed a more positive and spiritual frame of mind. This is not mere psychological conditioning, though it works that way perhaps. It is actually a recognition (not always easy to achieve) that God is constantly active in our lives and that, as the apostle Paul put it, ‘in all things God works for the good of those who love him.’ (Rom. 8:28).” (James Montgomery Boice, Psalms Volume 1, Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1994, p. 77). 

Will you apply this in your own life as I do in mine? Let’s praise God daily and remind others of His goodness.

Questions for Application:

1. Which of the 4 aspects of worship in these verses do you struggle with most? Why?

First Post Part 2: What?

Some blogs have a very limited and specific theme, allowing them to go deep into particular issues. There are great strengths to such an approach. Others are so wide, that virtually anything goes. Some strengths to that sort of method could be listed as well. So what about this blog?

We've opted to take the middle road between these two approaches. While not certainly anything whatsoever goes, we desire the freedom to write about and share a variety of things. Perhaps I might share some thoughts on ministry or leading worship, or maybe tell the amazing story of how we found out we were pregnant in December of last year, and what God taught us through the waiting. Maybe I'll share a link to a good song, or copy a paragraph from a sermon or Bible Study I've led. There could be pictures of our family posted along with stories as Ethan grows older. I might just share some thoughts that came to me during my time in the Word. Maybe I'll formulate a theology of Administration Ministry and share it with you. Seems pretty broad, right?

So what's the limiting factor? It goes back to the last point of the previous post: Does it glorify God? If the answer is yes, then it goes. If not, it doesn't. Enjoy!

First Post Part 1: Why?

I write this first post 4 years to the day (though I am posting it the day after) since I was married to my precious wife, Heather. We've been through a lot together and look forward to the journey ahead.

The question to be answered in some measure in this first post is "Why start a blog?" Truth is, I've been asking myself this question for years!

1. I know very well that I'm not that special and don't have a whole lot to say that couldn't be said much more effectively by someone else. At the same time, I know that because God has made each person unique with specific gifts, there may very well be some things I can say that will bless others.

2. I've struggled with wondering what impact I'm having at this present point in my life. While the Lord is using me in many ways, I wonder if He might use me in this way as well.

3. I've also been dealing with "writer's withdrawals" since graduating last year. I used to write for hours on end almost daily for a couple of years straight. You might think I'm crazy, but I miss certain aspects of writing.

4. As Heather and I prepare to welcome our firstborn son into the world, we can use this blog to share pictures, stories, and experiences as we begin our lives as parents. Facebook and Twitter limit us to short and often trivial status updates. We hope to provide more meaningful updates here.

5.Blogging is a good way to get feedback on posts. I like to run my thoughts by people and get their thoughts in response.

6. Finally, 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God," meaning, if you blog, do it to the glory of God. Ultimately, I hope that this blog brings glory to my Creator and Redeemer while blessing others.

I could list more, but one of the challenges I've given myself in writing this blog is to be brief and concise when possible. The next post will address a bit about what this blog will include.